To whom this may concern (My year-end breakup letter)

Dear two-thousand and eleven,
    I don't know whether I should thank you or completely hate you. I mean, you gave me a lot this year, but you also took so much from me. I guess I'll start by berating you. How could you start like that? 2010 gave me such hope and happiness that you'd be better, but you started this relationship terribly. You gave me what I wanted and then screwed me over (sounds like a lot of things in my life..). You pushed me deep into depression which set me apart from my friends and hurt my academics. I can't even believe I let myself live you for so long. Maybe 2012 will finally be my year, because you haven't offered much. I mean, you changed me. I'm not who I was with 2011 or even 2010, and I wont be the same with 2012 either. Oh, and that wasn't the only thing. You took away my grandmother. The one I still was just getting to know. The one I had everything in common with. "More things than you could imagine," they said. And it's not just her. You've taken it upon yourself to throw cancer my way. Not at me, specifically, but at what feels like everyone around me. I don't even see the point. If that's your idea of "population control" you've got some  serious mental problems (but then again, so do I. I'm writing a letter to a measurement of time..). You've confused me, beyond belief with your mixed signals. Just because I'm a teenage girl, doesn't mean you need to constantly change the plot in my life story. I mean really, mood swings are not my thing.
    But maybe I'm wrong. Maybe you were just getting me ready for 2012. I mean, you did really give me a lot. Like the gift of the support of my amazing team and all our success. And the support of my family even when I was falling apart. And you gave me so many lessons on who to trust. You taught me how to love without fear, be myself without hesitation, laugh with out reason and smile without cause. You gave me the gift of survival through our relationship.You gave me friends that I've never loved so much, teachers I've never learned so much from, events that I'll never be able to forget and memories that will last my whole life through. When things went good, they went great. You were amazing to me, and I couldn't have ended this at a better point in time. I do believe you have Bipolar Disorder, though. You should get that checked out. You have given me strength to endure and overcome. You've given me power over my ideas and self worth. You've given me everything, all packed into one short punch. I'm glad I signed a pre-nup or I'd be screwed. I couldn't live without what you've taught me, 2011.
   I feel like Robin Williams in Mrs. Doubtfire. I mean, I don't want to give you up, but maybe it's for the best. I don't want to lose all the things we've had, but "baggage" should be left behind. And maybe, just maybe, My thoughts might end up creeping back to you for more, but I don't expect you to love me anymore. You served me well, in your time, but as I must do with all years, I have to go. Not just yet, though. We've still got a couple of days. But I couldn't help but draft this up before I got busy trying to move all of 2012 in to my house.
     So don't think this is the end. We still have that last leg of the race. We're still alive and kickin'. But let me tell you something, if you're not gone with all your extra baggage off to your cousin History's house by the time the clock strikes midnight on December 31st, so help me, I'll have all my ex-years come after you. You've served me well, but it's time to go. Thanks for sticking around, but oh, you forgot the snow.

Thanks for all your love and support, but it's time to say goodbye.
I love you, two-thousand and eleven. Enjoy History...
xoxo,
Marjean.♥

I'm not looking, I'm waiting to be found

In my life, I've always been the one to be straight-forward an honest. I'm a go-getter, at the least. This absolutely applies in my love life. I've always gone after the guys I wanted/liked. If I REALLY liked someone, they knew it. But that was intimidating, and blah blah blah.

ANYWHO, today I resolved to wait to be found. I've been too pushy, with myself and others about "love" in my life. I've tried so hard and wanted so bad to find "that guy" that I could be with. But I've come to the realization that I've been trying. too hard. I'm done trying, "looking" per say.


So here's to all those guys who really care. I'll be waiting.
xoxo,
Marjean.♥

Growing up

Two-thousand and eleven is almost over, and I figured I'd reflect on it. 

In this past year, I've:

• Started a blog (July 25th, 2011)
• Started high school
• Moved
• Fallen in love
• Taken first place with my AMAZING team!
• Lost my grandma
• Gained best friends
• Turned 15
• Gotten a phone
• Cried myself to sleep a million times
• Worried about others opinions
• Been bullied
• Bullied
• Self-harmed
• Watched my brother fall in love
• Tried new things
• Broken a heart
• Lost weight
• Cut my hair (TWICE)
• Found God

And that's just a few things. I could go on and on, but in reality, that's not what I started this post to be about.

I started this to share my "Not new, but certainly improved years resolution.

I resolve to, as of January 1st, 2012, live for ME. Not for any of you readers, nor any of my "haters" per say, but for me. Not for society, or even my friends. Me. 

I'm not going to listen to all the bad things people have to say. I'm not going to rush through "growing up". I'm 15, not 25. But enough about what I'm NOT going to do. 

I pledge to be my own person, and to take a step back every so often to be thankful for all that I am, all that I have and all that I will ever be. I pledge to look at myself in the mirror and find one beautiful thing about myself, that day, because every day I am beautiful. I pledge to keep moving forward, and never look back, because the past is the past for a reason, and the future is mine to mold. I pledge to set boundaries, not by societal beliefs, but by my own beliefs and standards. I pledge to make healthy decisions, regarding my surroundings, activities and foods. I pledge to never talk bad about people because I don't know them as well as I may act. Even my closest of friends have secrets. I pledge get to know people before ever thinking ill thoughts about them, for only God knows why they act the way they do. I pledge to make a list of good things in my life, every time something bad or discouraging happens. 

Most of all, I pledge to make a change in my way of life. I want to be that person that everyone will remember for what they did for others. I want to be like Blazen McDonald (a middle school student from my area who died over the summer and left behind a grieving community filled with hundreds of friends from school). I want to make a POSITIVE impact on people and the community. And that starts today-- not New Years. So here's to a great new year, and a not-so-new resolution. I'm not giving up, this year. 

Growing up, one step at a time...

xoxo,

Marjean.♥

Just nine more...

Just nine more views until I reach 2000 views. I think this is cause for celebration and SO many thanks.

First, thank you to all my Facebook friends, for seeing my links and having the time (and care) to click it and view my blog.

Second, to the people who come up to me, or tell me on Facebook that they read it. You guys have no idea how powerful it is to know that someone actually reads this. I mean, yeah, I know people read it, because Blogger tells me, but knowing that a physical PERSON read my blog is crazy cool and so humbling.

And third, to those people who I don't even know. There are so many of you. From countries other than the U.S., there are 48 views. That's a whoooole lot. Thank you.

(While I was typing this, I reached 2000 views [OH MY GOSH GUYS!], and so my stats are based off of the 2001 views I have, now! )

So that's a total of:
- 1495 from the U.S.
- 25 from Russia
- 10 from Germany
- 5 from Malaysia
- 2 from Brazil
- 2 from Indonesia
- and one each from U.K., India, South Korea and Japan.

Wow guys. I can't even convey my emotion, right now. I'm ecstatic, proud and completely at a loss for words. I'm so blessed to have people reading my thoughts, and though, with my publicity comes hate, it also comes so many people understanding and following my thoughts.  Thank you all for taking that quick minute out of your day to view my blog and read what I have to say. Your views and comments and care are the reason I keep doing this.


I love you all more than words can express.
xoxo,
Marjean.♥

Dear boy I love(d),

I think I'm finally over you, for once. Like really over you. I hope so. Maybe it was just the push I needed, all the people telling me it wasn't meant to be and to move on. Maybe just maybe. Or maybe it was just my heart telling me that what I thought, for two years was love was just my emotions playing tricks due to the age of adolescence. But we'll see. Tomorrow will come a new day. A day where I will face you, talk to you, and have to prove to myself that I'm more over you than ever before. And not by being mean or childish. But by actually treating you like any other guy-- like any other friend. Thank you, for entertaining my thoughts for two whole years. Thank you for existing.. And if you ever find out this is about you.. Thank you for never taking the chance to hate me.

With love (or the lack thereof),
xoxo,
Marjean.♥

My Ten.

Before I begin, take a second to watch this... This post won't make sense unless you do.

I've accepted his challenge. I'll find ten things EVERYDAY to smile about. And every single day, I'll come up with a different ten, because I'm sure there are millions. And before I list mine, I want you all to consider your ten. What are ten reasons for YOU to smile? You can do it, I know you can. 

My Ten:

1. This guy's smile (and video)
2. Cookies
3. Sports bras
4. Sticky notes
5. Food
6. Yiruma's piano music
7. Smooth jazz (yes, SMOOTH)
8. Sunsets
9. Black and white photographs
10. Chapstick

This video is exactly what I needed. I needed a reminder to smile and to be thankful. Take this challenge and pass it on to your friends. Inspire others. Little things like this are the things that change the world. 

With my 10 for the day, and inspiration to last a lifetime,

xoxo,

Marjean.♥

To whom it may concern

I've been having a problem with people being overly rude on my blog. To those people who have been doing this: I have disabled the comments. I really didn't want to have to do this, but if you feel the need to say these things via the internet, you can say them to my face. And I know that mostly, all you guys want to do is to upset me. The only reason I'm upset is because you think this is appropriate. C'mon. I suspect that all of you are at least 14, since you know me and go to school with me. We are not little kids, and I hope this drama can blow over.

Thank you in advance.
xoxo,
Marjean.♥