A long, long time ago.. I can still remember...

Today, I looked back at my yearbook, from 2006-2007 (fourth grade). I looked at my class, and realized how many I still talk to. Out of 51 kids (in two classes), I still talk to only about 8 of them. Sad to think I used to have most of their numbers, would hang out with them on the weekends, and went to their birthday parties. Now I just watch most of them play on sports teams, make bad decisions and avoid me as much as possible.

After I had a good laugh at the kids MY age, I decided to look at the now sophomores and juniors. Is it bad that I can look through those two classes and label most of the either "stoner" or "slut"? I mean, I'm not one to label, usually, but so many of those kids have started to do drugs or sleep around, or even both.
Anywho...
I looked back at them, and realized how many of them were my close friends, too...How many of them I say in the halls, now, on a daily basis. How many of the guys I had crushes on, back then, and I still say they're cute, now and then!

I guess my point is, this kinda got me thinking; and thinking's got me down. I miss the innocence. I miss the friendships, and crazy games we'd play at recess. I miss when you had a :"boyfriend," kissing him in the big tire, and then wiping your face, afterwards because boys had cooties. I miss the times where there were no cliques, or groups where you either fit in, or got out. I miss "the good ol' days." And I wish all those people that I was friends with, and all the guys I had crushes on... I wish they'd remember and miss me too... And maybe, if I was lucky, we'd hang out sometime... And we'd all be friends, again.

But those chances are slim, and getting slimmer, as the years pass, and memories fade. Crazy how much you change and grow with society, as you grow up. I just wish... you'd remember....


Memories fade, but love never dies...
xoxo,
Marjean.♥

Talk of the town

So, I've found that my blog posts seem to get around. Through me saying things, through others saying things; it's just the talk of the town.

I'm hoping this one ends up like that.

This is my third week of high school.

I guess I've already made a couple of life changing decisions.

And I'm just going to apologize. I've made mistakes, and I will continue to make more. Though hopefully never the same ones, I've made in the past. I'd rather not call it my history, because I don't want it to repeat itself. I've lost friends, gained friends, and messed so many things up. I just want to find that groove, where everything works. YOU (know who you are, or maybe someone will tell you again) know me better than anyone. I did you wrong. But I guess I have to learn from that. I hope I can still be included in your life.

And to those who read my blog, and know exactly what's going on, or even who have no clue. Yeah, you can talk to me about my blog, and you can talk to others, but don't play telephone with my blog. You don't know what I'm thinking.

Finally, a little inspiration...

Okay. I'm just a little heated.

... Well, maybe a lot.

I'm so fed up, with teenagers, these days. I'm ashamed to be "one of them" even if I'm nothing like "them."

I'm so tired of hearing abut hook-ups, break-ups, booty calls, getting high/drunk and/or all the petty DRAMA that there is. I'm so tired of watching the people who I used to call my friends go and get high or wasted, or hook up with a random "hot" upperclassmen. I'm so tired of watching what innocence we used to have go out the window, not even in trade for maturity. Just to get rid of it.

I guess I should fill you guys in.

Being in high school has presented quite a few obstacles.

The first being drama. I don't know if it's PMS, or a new environment, or even just the pure need for attention. But there is so much drama. And I'm not the type of girl to BE in the drama. But man, I've seen so much, recently.

Second, is the HIGH use of drugs and alcohol. This first presented itself to me at the football game. I don't think I've seen such a large concentration of drunk/stoned people in my life. All illegally. And I don't understand how that makes a SPORTING EVENT more fun. Or anything, for that matter. Yeah, you feel happy, or warm or however YOU react to drugs/alcohol, but that's what optimism's for. High on life. Drunk on love. Like, grow up, please. At least save the general public the indecency of dealing with your crap when you're wasted.

And third, but for sure, not finally, hookups/breakups/booty calls. Oh man. I don't know if I've ever been so proud to be a virgin. I've talked to so many of my "friends" about sex. How they've gotten with "hot" guys or they got together with their now boyfriends because they hooked up with someone and found out they really liked them. I can't even begin to express my sadness and disappointment in society. And not to preach, or anything, but sex isn't called "making love" for nothing. Personal (and religious) view on sex is that if someone REALLY cares about you, sex won't matter; even if you want to wait until marriage, they wont mind because they truly love you. And if they don't, they're not worth your time, are they? I mean, yeah, I get, like drugs, you might find it fun. But what is there to talk about when all you care about it getting in someone's pants? I don't understand it.

I'm sorry for such a long rant. I'm just so fed up with people BRAGGING about how far they've gone, or what they've done. I don't understand why doing illegal or socially immoral things is now good. And how it creates popularity and all that crap. People these days...

Society truly does suck...
xoxo,
Marjean.♥

Feelings

So, I'm feeling kind of inspiration-drained. I have so much to write about, but NO drive to write you guys a lengthy, detailed, thought-provoking post. So instead I'm just gonna tell it like it is.

I think I'm getting sick. I NEVER GET SICK.
I have a new boyfriend, and I'm really happy with him... (:
School is tiring. But I'm keeping up for sure.
Band is amazing. I love my band teacher, and all the dirty things he "accidentally" says(;
And I'm kinda loving high school.


Well, until I find some inspiration...
xoxo,
Marjean.♥

Stadium Jam "hangover"

Okay, first of all, let me just point out, I AM NOT HUNGOVER. I used the word hangover because it's simply the over-stimulation (usually with alcohol) of the body, and then the vitamin-B deficiency and dehydration you feel in the morning. Basically too much of one thing makes you feel like poo; that's how I feel.

I had mixed feelings about the night. I mean, I guess we're "Weedway" and "Ghettodale" but that doesn't mean we have to be completely WASTED at school sanctioned events. I cannot tell you how unruly some people were. I don't get how they didn't get kicked out. Obviously, I don't deal well with wasted people. At. All. That'd be reason to hate it, number one.
Number two, we lost. Big time. And there is a HUGE rivalry between our two schools. Yeah, not a safe place, really. Wasted people plus a bad game... I'm glad I stopped watching half way through...
And finally number three, I get so easily upset, sometimes. Wasted people+loosing the game+"a personal problem"= upset Marjean. Get the picture?

So now the good.
One, I was completely surrounded by people who love me. I had my midget, my Wankaroo, my Little Panda Bear, my Sophomores and my man-friend-thing-a-majigg. Even when I was upset, there was always someone there to make everything better. And they were all sober. So I was good. (:
Two, just...my man-friend-thing-a-majigg. 'Nuff said. (:


So all in all, it was a pretty good night. I love my friends, they're amazing. They keep me sane even when everyone else isn't. And they remind me DAILY that I don't need drugs to be happy or have fun. Thank you. (:

Stadium Jam/Jam the Stands

So, tonight's my school's "Big game" against the rival team in the district. From what I've heard, it's pretty epic. And as of today, my life's starting to look up, so maybe it will be(: Let's go Warriors!! (:

In other news, as the second week of school draws to a close, we get stuck in a lock down. Woo hoo. This feels like one of those "You know you're from the ghetto when..." jokes. I mean, seriously. Not even two weeks into school... C'mon.

I guess that was what you could call our "Pep Rally" for tonight's big game; getting stuck in 5th period with one of the chillest teachers, ever. (:

So that's all for now. I'll proably rush home and blog about how the night went, how the game ended, etc. See you later!

Wish me luck, go Warriors,
xoxo,
Marjean.♥

High School. Expectations vs. Reality

So I guess, first of all, I should give you all the low-down. I started high school on Wednesday of last week. So a week ago. And it's already had its ups and downs. Expectations have been surpassed, in some cases, and shattered in others.
Today, I looked at some people's Facebooks. Some of the most beautiful, sweet, amazing, popular girls I know. Of course, they're wearing guys football jerseys to support them at the game. And I remember last year. Doing the same thing... Looking at Freshman's pictures saying "I wish that was me! Next year, I'll have guys wanting me to wear their jerseys!!!" And now look at me. Doing the same thing as last year. Shattered expectation.

And then the teachers. Last year I thought I got lucky, really nice teachers, really lax rules (UNTIL THE SECOND SEMESTER D:), and a lot of friends in my classes. And I looked up at the Freshmen and saw how much FUN they were having. Phones out during school, food and drinks in classrooms, even MORE lax rules, more games to go to... I was soooooo excited for school. Well, expectation surpassed.

Music program; surpassed.
Maturity; shattered.
Less drama; expectation MET.

Everything's so different in high school.... So let the good times roll, and let's get this party started. (:

Love, your now high school freshman,
xoxo,
Marjean.♥

Before School Beauty Jitters...

So, for a while, I've known I'm a jealous person, and at times, quite self centered. I dig for complements, on occasion, I get jealous easily over guys, and I for sure put myself down. So when a friend says "This guy says he loves me" or tells me about how they hate being called pretty, or getting hit on. Or complain abut how their friendships with guys died after a relationship ended.... I sit there and kind of die inside. And usually, I have something to say after everything, because I totally understand. Not in these aspects. I'm pretty single, I don't get called pretty a lot, I don't get hit on anywhere but online, I don't have good guy friends because they just.. don't talk to me. And so I try and be respectful "I don't understand... so I'm sorry" and they get upset.
Shut up.
I'm sorry.
*Self pity*
I'm so caught up in these things. I frequently ask myself dumb questions;
Why are my friends so pretty?
Why, if they call me pretty, and think I'm "prettier than them", are they getting hit on and I'm not?
What makes them so much better than me?
What's so bad about me that keeps people away, as friends and as lovers?

And you see, these are quite unhealthy (but completely normal) questions teenage girls ask themselves. The answer? There isn't one. Society's to blame, mostly. To make complements so essential, and making someone feel bad for not being "perfect"

And recently, I've kind lost hold of my jealousy and self-esteem. I think it's because I'm about to go back to school. At a new school. Full of attractive guys, and I care too much about what others think of me... "Why am I not her?" crosses my mind a lot... and then I laugh. "Because being me is worth all the tears."

I guess what I'm trying to say, is that, though I may thing all of that is SO important, it really isn't. Because there'll be plenty of guys what want me for me. That wont need me to be other girls. Just. Me. And I guess that's for sure, worth the wait. No matter how long it may be.

Just keep swimming,
xoxo,
Marjean.♥