Confessions

For those who aren't my Facebook friend (or maybe didn't see my status...) for every like I got, I was going to confess something, via my blog (this.. duh). So. Here are some confessions.... Enjoy!

One; I make constantly make Facebook statuses such as truth is, like for a complement/rate/confession/etc, not just in hopes of making everyone else feel better, but also in hopes of causing a chain reaction, and maybe getting a little love, for myself.

Two; I'm in the middle of moving out of my apartment.

Three;  I honestly wish people were more honest/straight forward, and told me how they feel/what they think of me. I like blunt people. 

Four; No matter how lame it sounds, any time I get in any sort of trouble, or even just yelled at by a teacher/parent/adult I tear up and/or start to cry. I just hate getting in trouble, THAT much.

Five; I bake, I cook, but I honestly suck at making sandwiches. Sorry boys(;

Six; I over use the :3 (cat) face. Not really. I just had Deja Vu... and that's what was in my Deja Vu, so I typed it. Man, I have a lot of those...

Seven; The one ting I want is for some guy to come up to me and tell me I'm beautiful, and for me to be able to believe it, because he's not just trying to be nice, he's not joking.. he just means it.. So yeah.

Eight; I'm overly flirtatious. It's kind of insane, actually. I don't even realize I'm doing it, most of the time. It gets me into trouble...(;

Nine; I have no censor. I'm proud of/happy with what I've got, and I'll talk about whatever I want, no matter how "socially awkward" (:

Ten; I have a twitter @MarjeanTomer (Hey guys, who don't know me in real life... please don't like super cyber stalk me... But go ahead and follow!) Follow me! (:

Eleven; I have broken the law, and I learned my lesson. Don't vandalize things, kids.

Twelve; I enjoy watching classic Disney movies. Those, and romantic comedies are my favorites. <3

Thirteen; I always paint my thumb nails last.

Fourteen; I love hugs around the waist.

Fifteen; I'm currently on my couch, using the laptop I'm "not supposed to touch", drinking tea, on Facebook, and watching Nanny McFee. (;

And that's it, so far. More people are bound to like it, though. I'll keep this updated, as more people like the status. Hope you enjoyed the new insight, and maybe if I'm lucky, you'll stick around and read some more of my posts!(; 

Feels good to have that off my chest...

xoxo,

Marjean.♥

I'm deeply, madly, in love with a man I can't have.

To whom I am madly in love with,
I want to get this off my chest, so badly. But I know it's not right to get between you two. You're the perfect couple. At least in my eyes. You're both funny, smart, talented, caring, compassionate, understanding, and all around great people. But I can't stand to look at you. You're my kryptonite. Every time I look at you, my knees go weak. When I see you together, I get jealous, but I know that you're happy, so I could never tear you two apart.  On top of that, I know I have the smallest chance in the world of you noticing me for who I am, and loving me as much as I love you. (And yeah, guys, I really do mean love. I've liked this guy for two years, and cannot ever get him out of my mind.. Love) I've liked you, honestly, since the FIRST day of seventh grade. No matter how many times I've said I've "gotten over" you, "hated" you, or just plain "didn't like anyone", I still was head over heels, for you. And yes, there are times, where I look at you and want to scream "I LOVE YOU SO MUCH, WHY DON'T YOU SEE THAT?!" in your face.. but I contain myself. You're a great guy.. And one day, I hope you read this, and know exactly who you are, because I bet a million dollars, at least 4 people will read this and know EXACTLY who you are. And all the others will probably want to know who. But I'm not telling, until you figure it out.


Well... Yeah. I love you,          .
xoxoxo,
Marjean.♥

Well, that was a bust.

All I wanted was for a boy to tell me I looked pretty, and to want to dance.


Too much to ask for?



More to come, when I've got more to say.
xoxo,
Marjean.♥

Homecoming!

Homecoming week, was this past week.

The game was tonight (We kicked butt, by the way!)
And the dance is tomorrow.

Honestly? I'm excited. But not for the reason you think..

Yeah, I'm excited to dress up, get told how pretty I am, and maybe even get hit on, once or twice. 

But what I'm really excited for? The night to be over.

Homecoming's been fun, and all, but everyone's been rubbing it in my face about their date, and where they're going to eat, before, and the pictures, blah, blah, blah. I'm going with friends. We're getting a pizza, and taking pictures on the stairs, in my friends house, unless it's nice outside. And though it sounds like I'm complaining about what I'm getting, I'm not. I'm just so done with people trying to out-do me, and making me feel bad. Not to mention I feel like I'm always the "awkward" one of my group of friends. The wingwoman, and the the one everyone forgets about (believe it or not, I shut down, when I get upset or nervous..) 

I'm just ready to the focus to move from who has the prettiest dress, cutest date, and best plans, to something less competitive. Something like puppies and rainbows. 

But that's just my jealousy and bitterness speaking. 

See y'all tomorrow,

xoxo,

Marjean.♥

Face it...

Face it, guys, you're just like girls.

Your "beef" is our "drama"
You obsess over women's chests and butts, whereas girls like abs and biceps.
You play favorites.
You flirt way to much, and never seem to mean a word of it.
You like to be told how attractive you are.
And even you have mood swings.

All living organisms are created to do two things; reproduce and survive.
Humans like to make it "fun" along the way. If this is your idea of fun, I'd rather be bored, for the rest of my life. Gah.

Think about it. Not just guys, everyone. It's human nature. Everyone does it. Sometimes you'll just have to grow up and get over yourself, before trying to get over someone or something else. Maybe as humans, in a corrupt society, we've set our standards too high. Maybe "too much" is just right, and all these taboo things are NATURAL, and completely HUMAN. We are human, but we're still animals. Stop trying to be better than we all know we are. Just be you.


Ugh.
xoxo,
Marjaan.♥

My silence marks me like a scarlet letter...

Today, like I said in "Pushy...?" I vowed to be quiet, unless a person chose to speak to me. I kinda  messed up, a few times, but overall, I achieved my goal. I marked my hand with red tallies, showing my crime (or in this case, mission) plainly like the wearing of the scarlet letter.

On average, I think I talk to at least like 50 people.

Today? 28.

Usually I talk to quite a few sophomores and juniors.

Today? 3 sophomores, 1 junior.

I guess this makes a statement, though my data could be off, due to other's attitudes, I think it'd probably be pretty consistent, if I continued on like this. Maybe I should. Yes, the strength to talk to people, approach them is a very strong, and powerful trait, but I feel like it's time for others to "grow a pair" per say, and talk to ME first. I think I've shown the world I care, just by talking to people the way I do, and to all the people I talk to/try to help. I think it's time to take a little break, and see who really cares.

And another thing, I'm not going to be so forceful with guys. I got 1 hug today. Seriously. I try to hard... today was a bit of a wake-up call.

Not to mention the fact that my smile and loud nature are for sure my band-aid. I'm loud, because if I'm quiet, I think, and I feel like crying. I smile, because it keeps the tears from falling. I hold it all in, with a smile and laugh, and not having that for a day is torture, in itself.

Well, I guess I'm off....

With a new mindset, and a little sadness,
xoxo,
Marjean.♥

Just a little question...

I just wanted to ask you guys a question. You don't need to answer... Just relate...


Ever liked someone A LOT and not been able to do anything about it?!

Story of my life.

I fall for all the wrong people... Been there?

Disappointed!
xoxo,
Marjean.♥

Pushy..?

So, I guess I just realized how much I've felt the need to be wanted. And what I've been doing about it.

Most people... would just, whine, and be annoying.

Me? I force people to talk to me, hug me, text me, do projects with me, etc. 

Why? Because I feel the need to be wanted, loved, liked... All of that stuff...

So, tomorrow, I'm going to count how many people actually START conversations with me. I'm not starting any. I'll update you tomorrow, then? 

With love (and silence),

xoxo,
Marjean.♥

Hope...

So, my life's kinda really hard, right now. I'm not going to go into detail.. I don't even want to try. But it just is.

My family's between a rock and a hard place, I'm stuck in a mind cloud, and I guess I'm just a little.. lost.

So, I turned to a friend. One that, through good times and bad, has been there. Though we've fought, we seem to just re-connect. I think it's because, we both had hard lives, growing up, but in so many different ways. And we've made such different things of ourselves, but still know what it's like, to be that lost, helpless girl, crying for help, and turning to the person who gets it. SHE get's it. And through the fights and tears, we seem to still realize that, which amazes me. And she's FINALLY got her head on straight, I think. Fantastic. ♥

ANYWHO. Today, this friend of mine... brought me to tears. She told me that she was wrong, essentially, and thanked me for never giving up. And she told me how her (and her father) think I'd keep her in line. The sister she needs, not the ones she has. She offered a warm bed, and a soft pillow, to me. Knowing, that that might be my reality, some day... I broke down, a little. Sometimes, you treat the things you love the most, like crap, just to see how long they'll last. Kind of like crash testing. Making sure you're worth my time. Well, Miriah, I think we've done enough crash tests. I think we're finally ready to cut the crap, and be friends. No more fights, and maybe even full custody?(;

And now, I want to thank YOU. For never giving up on ME. For always knowing, caring, and trying to help. For being that sister, I've never had. The one I'll fight with, but still love the next day. For your open arms, and tiny, bony, yet COMPLETELY comfortable shoulders to cry on. I love you.


And to anyone else in my life. I cherish the little things. Thank you, all. For just.. being in my life. Existing. You make my life POSSIBLE to live. I really mean it.

You ALL give me hope...
xoxo,
Marjean.♥

Uh... Wait, what?

So, as I sat, in my pajamas, watching morning television, sucking on cough drops and feeling like poo... I picked up my laptop and logged on. First, to my Facebook, my email, and then onto MyYearbook.
Now, we all know how Facebook works, but what about MyYearbook? Well, it's basically a social networking site that highlights on flirting. Now... this got me questioning...
Why is flirting so accepted on MyYearbook but not on Facebook? Or even in person?
I mean, how do you think people did things, just ten years ago? Or when our parents or grandparents met?
I just don't get it... There are so many people that I know are on MyYearbook, and so flirtatious, but on Facebook, it's awkward to flirt.

Society's so messed up. We have to have sites to make flirting happen, because we're so addicted to computers and social networking, that we're afraid to do any of that in person.

But, I'm kind of being hypocritical, because I'm doing it too. I guess I've given in to the computer and technology addiction, as well. It's easier. But so is sitting on your butt eating Jenny Craig, instead of exercising. It's all up to the individual, I guess.

Ohh technology, what have you done to us?
xoxo,
Marjean.♥

On my side...

"The Lord is on my side; I will not fear. What can man do to me? The Lord is on my side as my helper; I shall look in triumph on those who hate me. It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in man. It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in princes." - Psalm 118:6-9


I don't have much to say, right now. Life's hard, and I guess I was just... I wanted to say something. Maybe your life's hard too, right now, or always, I don't know. I guess what I'm trying to say, is that as long as you have God on your side, everything will be okay, because He places the heaviest of burden on those he knows can handle it. Sometimes, life gets out of hand, and all you want to do is escape the tragic masterpiece you call your life... But that's not going to do anything. Life gets better... 


Just keep swimming, right?
xoxo,
Marjean.♥