To whom this may concern (My year-end breakup letter)

Dear two-thousand and eleven,
    I don't know whether I should thank you or completely hate you. I mean, you gave me a lot this year, but you also took so much from me. I guess I'll start by berating you. How could you start like that? 2010 gave me such hope and happiness that you'd be better, but you started this relationship terribly. You gave me what I wanted and then screwed me over (sounds like a lot of things in my life..). You pushed me deep into depression which set me apart from my friends and hurt my academics. I can't even believe I let myself live you for so long. Maybe 2012 will finally be my year, because you haven't offered much. I mean, you changed me. I'm not who I was with 2011 or even 2010, and I wont be the same with 2012 either. Oh, and that wasn't the only thing. You took away my grandmother. The one I still was just getting to know. The one I had everything in common with. "More things than you could imagine," they said. And it's not just her. You've taken it upon yourself to throw cancer my way. Not at me, specifically, but at what feels like everyone around me. I don't even see the point. If that's your idea of "population control" you've got some  serious mental problems (but then again, so do I. I'm writing a letter to a measurement of time..). You've confused me, beyond belief with your mixed signals. Just because I'm a teenage girl, doesn't mean you need to constantly change the plot in my life story. I mean really, mood swings are not my thing.
    But maybe I'm wrong. Maybe you were just getting me ready for 2012. I mean, you did really give me a lot. Like the gift of the support of my amazing team and all our success. And the support of my family even when I was falling apart. And you gave me so many lessons on who to trust. You taught me how to love without fear, be myself without hesitation, laugh with out reason and smile without cause. You gave me the gift of survival through our relationship.You gave me friends that I've never loved so much, teachers I've never learned so much from, events that I'll never be able to forget and memories that will last my whole life through. When things went good, they went great. You were amazing to me, and I couldn't have ended this at a better point in time. I do believe you have Bipolar Disorder, though. You should get that checked out. You have given me strength to endure and overcome. You've given me power over my ideas and self worth. You've given me everything, all packed into one short punch. I'm glad I signed a pre-nup or I'd be screwed. I couldn't live without what you've taught me, 2011.
   I feel like Robin Williams in Mrs. Doubtfire. I mean, I don't want to give you up, but maybe it's for the best. I don't want to lose all the things we've had, but "baggage" should be left behind. And maybe, just maybe, My thoughts might end up creeping back to you for more, but I don't expect you to love me anymore. You served me well, in your time, but as I must do with all years, I have to go. Not just yet, though. We've still got a couple of days. But I couldn't help but draft this up before I got busy trying to move all of 2012 in to my house.
     So don't think this is the end. We still have that last leg of the race. We're still alive and kickin'. But let me tell you something, if you're not gone with all your extra baggage off to your cousin History's house by the time the clock strikes midnight on December 31st, so help me, I'll have all my ex-years come after you. You've served me well, but it's time to go. Thanks for sticking around, but oh, you forgot the snow.

Thanks for all your love and support, but it's time to say goodbye.
I love you, two-thousand and eleven. Enjoy History...
xoxo,
Marjean.♥

I'm not looking, I'm waiting to be found

In my life, I've always been the one to be straight-forward an honest. I'm a go-getter, at the least. This absolutely applies in my love life. I've always gone after the guys I wanted/liked. If I REALLY liked someone, they knew it. But that was intimidating, and blah blah blah.

ANYWHO, today I resolved to wait to be found. I've been too pushy, with myself and others about "love" in my life. I've tried so hard and wanted so bad to find "that guy" that I could be with. But I've come to the realization that I've been trying. too hard. I'm done trying, "looking" per say.


So here's to all those guys who really care. I'll be waiting.
xoxo,
Marjean.♥

Growing up

Two-thousand and eleven is almost over, and I figured I'd reflect on it. 

In this past year, I've:

• Started a blog (July 25th, 2011)
• Started high school
• Moved
• Fallen in love
• Taken first place with my AMAZING team!
• Lost my grandma
• Gained best friends
• Turned 15
• Gotten a phone
• Cried myself to sleep a million times
• Worried about others opinions
• Been bullied
• Bullied
• Self-harmed
• Watched my brother fall in love
• Tried new things
• Broken a heart
• Lost weight
• Cut my hair (TWICE)
• Found God

And that's just a few things. I could go on and on, but in reality, that's not what I started this post to be about.

I started this to share my "Not new, but certainly improved years resolution.

I resolve to, as of January 1st, 2012, live for ME. Not for any of you readers, nor any of my "haters" per say, but for me. Not for society, or even my friends. Me. 

I'm not going to listen to all the bad things people have to say. I'm not going to rush through "growing up". I'm 15, not 25. But enough about what I'm NOT going to do. 

I pledge to be my own person, and to take a step back every so often to be thankful for all that I am, all that I have and all that I will ever be. I pledge to look at myself in the mirror and find one beautiful thing about myself, that day, because every day I am beautiful. I pledge to keep moving forward, and never look back, because the past is the past for a reason, and the future is mine to mold. I pledge to set boundaries, not by societal beliefs, but by my own beliefs and standards. I pledge to make healthy decisions, regarding my surroundings, activities and foods. I pledge to never talk bad about people because I don't know them as well as I may act. Even my closest of friends have secrets. I pledge get to know people before ever thinking ill thoughts about them, for only God knows why they act the way they do. I pledge to make a list of good things in my life, every time something bad or discouraging happens. 

Most of all, I pledge to make a change in my way of life. I want to be that person that everyone will remember for what they did for others. I want to be like Blazen McDonald (a middle school student from my area who died over the summer and left behind a grieving community filled with hundreds of friends from school). I want to make a POSITIVE impact on people and the community. And that starts today-- not New Years. So here's to a great new year, and a not-so-new resolution. I'm not giving up, this year. 

Growing up, one step at a time...

xoxo,

Marjean.♥

Just nine more...

Just nine more views until I reach 2000 views. I think this is cause for celebration and SO many thanks.

First, thank you to all my Facebook friends, for seeing my links and having the time (and care) to click it and view my blog.

Second, to the people who come up to me, or tell me on Facebook that they read it. You guys have no idea how powerful it is to know that someone actually reads this. I mean, yeah, I know people read it, because Blogger tells me, but knowing that a physical PERSON read my blog is crazy cool and so humbling.

And third, to those people who I don't even know. There are so many of you. From countries other than the U.S., there are 48 views. That's a whoooole lot. Thank you.

(While I was typing this, I reached 2000 views [OH MY GOSH GUYS!], and so my stats are based off of the 2001 views I have, now! )

So that's a total of:
- 1495 from the U.S.
- 25 from Russia
- 10 from Germany
- 5 from Malaysia
- 2 from Brazil
- 2 from Indonesia
- and one each from U.K., India, South Korea and Japan.

Wow guys. I can't even convey my emotion, right now. I'm ecstatic, proud and completely at a loss for words. I'm so blessed to have people reading my thoughts, and though, with my publicity comes hate, it also comes so many people understanding and following my thoughts.  Thank you all for taking that quick minute out of your day to view my blog and read what I have to say. Your views and comments and care are the reason I keep doing this.


I love you all more than words can express.
xoxo,
Marjean.♥

Dear boy I love(d),

I think I'm finally over you, for once. Like really over you. I hope so. Maybe it was just the push I needed, all the people telling me it wasn't meant to be and to move on. Maybe just maybe. Or maybe it was just my heart telling me that what I thought, for two years was love was just my emotions playing tricks due to the age of adolescence. But we'll see. Tomorrow will come a new day. A day where I will face you, talk to you, and have to prove to myself that I'm more over you than ever before. And not by being mean or childish. But by actually treating you like any other guy-- like any other friend. Thank you, for entertaining my thoughts for two whole years. Thank you for existing.. And if you ever find out this is about you.. Thank you for never taking the chance to hate me.

With love (or the lack thereof),
xoxo,
Marjean.♥

My Ten.

Before I begin, take a second to watch this... This post won't make sense unless you do.

I've accepted his challenge. I'll find ten things EVERYDAY to smile about. And every single day, I'll come up with a different ten, because I'm sure there are millions. And before I list mine, I want you all to consider your ten. What are ten reasons for YOU to smile? You can do it, I know you can. 

My Ten:

1. This guy's smile (and video)
2. Cookies
3. Sports bras
4. Sticky notes
5. Food
6. Yiruma's piano music
7. Smooth jazz (yes, SMOOTH)
8. Sunsets
9. Black and white photographs
10. Chapstick

This video is exactly what I needed. I needed a reminder to smile and to be thankful. Take this challenge and pass it on to your friends. Inspire others. Little things like this are the things that change the world. 

With my 10 for the day, and inspiration to last a lifetime,

xoxo,

Marjean.♥

To whom it may concern

I've been having a problem with people being overly rude on my blog. To those people who have been doing this: I have disabled the comments. I really didn't want to have to do this, but if you feel the need to say these things via the internet, you can say them to my face. And I know that mostly, all you guys want to do is to upset me. The only reason I'm upset is because you think this is appropriate. C'mon. I suspect that all of you are at least 14, since you know me and go to school with me. We are not little kids, and I hope this drama can blow over.

Thank you in advance.
xoxo,
Marjean.♥

Typical.

Yes, I complain.
Yes, sometimes I hate myself.
Yes, I lie.
Yes, I can be hypocritical.
Yes, I am rude.
Yes, I am "mainstream" to an extent.
Yes, I take too many pictures of myself and upload them to Facebook.
Yes, I post too many statuses.
Yes, I brag.
Yes, I make ignorant comments and decisions.
Yes, I have talked about people behind their backs.
Yes, I care about  what everyone thinks/says about me.
Yes, I wear "preppy" clothing.
Yes, I listen to mainstream-ish music.
Yes, I am your typical teenage girl. 


But if that's all you ever see and refuse to get to know me, then you don't know the rest of me-- the atypical part of me.
Get to know me before  you judge me.


Just your "typical teen"...
xoxo,
Marjean.♥

People these days...

Last night, all the pain and loneliness kind of came together, and I had to face the fire of insults. I don't really know what to say about it, except telling someone they're ugly hurts them more than you could ever imagine. You don't know what their life is like, and that could easily push someone over the edge. Coincidentally, it was To Write Love On Her Arms Day, at my high school (self harm prevention). Insults never help.

But I guess I learned who my good friends are. The ones who asked if I was okay, the ones who actually did something, when I was paralyzed, hurt and irrational. Don't wait to tell your friends you love them, until their time of need. Show them your love, every day. It's worth it!

And now writing this, I started crying. I thought I was over it, but I guess it's not that easy. It's so easy to tear someone down, but building yourself back up is so hard to do. And usually, I'd say "Don't let the haters get at you" but when it's you, it's not that easy to believe that they're just haters. But believe me, now. Everyone has beauty. Some, are more beautiful than others, or are beautiful in different areas of life. You may have beautiful facial features, where another has a beautiful soul and personality. Look for the good in others, and respect the people around you, for when you give respect, you will get it, in return. And if you don't, they're not worth your time, anyways.

But enough of me trying to give you all life lessons. Those are for you to learn, via experiences, not reading my blog.



Think before you speak.
xoxo,
Marjean.<3

Think before you post...

"Hey marjean...you wouldnt know shit about hot 


guys trying to get with you because of the fact that 

i seriously dbout any hot guys have ever 


talked to you..."

 "its not possible to be uglyer then you"

                                     "mabye if you had more friends you 


would know that good  

looks mean everything

                                     in highschool and in life also these jokes 


have brought me 

so much enjoyment its 

                                    not even funny...marjean just shutup


and dont bring yourself 

into this"

 "its not possible to be uglyer then you"

 "its not possible to be uglyer then you"

 "its not possible to be uglyer then you"

 "its not possible to be uglyer then you"

Anyone else see a problem with this? 


I'm no longer offended by this, but things like this make people want to kill themselves.
I mean, yes I get honesty. But where's your humility and understanding?


Think before you post...
xoxo,
Marjean.♥ 

A little lovin' from Bruno Mars...

"Have you ever found yourself stuck in the middle of the sea?"

Though quoted from a Bruno Mars song, I still really mean to ask you: have you ever felt lost? Lonely?

I'd like to assume we all have. Right now, that's about how I feel. I mean, sure, I have friends, who talk to me, all the time, whatever. But I look at other people's lives, and see so much more social interaction, and I think to myself, "What am I doing wrong?!"

I ask this of myself too much. I have the people that matter, but why am I not content? I think the answer is that everyone needs someone to love them, but first they must love themselves. And right now, I'm kind of in the midst of loving myself, and rediscovering a reason to care. And loving myself is kind of a hard feat, when I feel so down about myself (as stated in the first part).

But I think the rest of the song, kind of says what I need.

"I'll sail the world to find you"

If I'm so willing do to that for everyone else, why can't I share that love with myself, and then, in turn, others with me?

Taking a positive look at this, instead of the normal...


Diggin this...
xoxo,
Marjean.♥

Well this is really long, but it's kind of worth your time. So you should all just read it. Because I said so...

Today, I opened up my blog, pressed the little pencil icon and looked at the template. "What to write... whatttt toooo wrriteeeeee" (I literally thought it, just like that) So I think I'll talk about life. Just to fill everyone in.

I've been getting a lot of kudos from people whom I wouldn't expect to read my blog. And it feels great, honestly, to be thanked or given props for your ideas and bravery to post your ideas on the web. I recommend blogging, to everyone. The thing about blogging, is it's typed. You can think about what you type. No scribbles, backspace. No mistaken words, you know what you want to say. And say it. If you don't like it, revise and edit it, before posting. And it's your opinion. It's nice to be able to just voice your opinion without people stopping you, because they don't like what you have to say. No one HAS to read your blog, but when they do, and they understand, it's exhilarating. Seriously, guys... It's actually addicting to see your number of viewers go up and up, every time you post. Try it. (:

And then the struggles. I have massive amounts of homework. On top of the bit drama I'm dealing with. I have those people I walk by in the halls where it's just like "Awwkkwarrrddd" and I turn bright red. And there are the things where I just want to sit down and cry. My life's in a weird place right now, and I don't know how to express how I feel, really. So I'm going to leave it at this; don't be afraid to be you, for that itself, shows a weakness that others will thrive on. Write a list. Not of all the bad. But all the things you're proud of, happy with, excited for, love, enjoy and make you smile your life, or even about yourself. Two lists (one about you and one about the broader thought of life) works well, and when you're down, look at the list, and remember why a smile is better than the tears. If others are worth your love, then you are worth your own. Happiness isn't always your first choice of emotion, but it's always AN option. Even in the worst situations. And if you ever need someone to talk with, I'm always here. Thought to some, I may just be a random teenage girl in Washington, to a lot of you, I know I'm a friend or acquaintance. And guess what? I'm always here for you. Here, facebook, via text or email; even in person, I want to help.That's the point of this blog; to relate to you, and help you through the years of teenage life and self doubt.Wow, I'm sorry this is so long guys.. let's move on.

Sunday is my birthday. I don't know whether to be excited or slightly disappointed. As I've gotten older, my presents have gotten less exciting, my parties have gotten suckier and my spirit has gone down. I'm hoping my 15th will revitalize my feelings, because my 16th is going to be amazing. Anywho, to any of my readers, whom share a birthday with me (or within the next few days) happy birthday! :D


Almost old enough to drive...
xoxo,
Marjean.♥

The truth tends to hurt, a bit...

Today I was told that I should "put on some more makeup" and that my profile pictures are too edited.

Self confidence? Blown.

I walked home, for the first time in over a year, looking at my feet; a sure sign of no self confidence.

I mean, I guess, you're just trying to be honest with me, but that's downright rude. Thank you. I appreciate your kindness, and sensitivity towards my teenage girl feelings.

I should have some moral, for all of you beautiful people, like don't listen to the haters, they don't know anything about beauty. But I just can't. Your self confidence is going to get killed, at some point in life. Mine's right now... and when you feel like this... just remember that it'll get better...


With love,
xoxo,
Marjean.♥

Confessions

For those who aren't my Facebook friend (or maybe didn't see my status...) for every like I got, I was going to confess something, via my blog (this.. duh). So. Here are some confessions.... Enjoy!

One; I make constantly make Facebook statuses such as truth is, like for a complement/rate/confession/etc, not just in hopes of making everyone else feel better, but also in hopes of causing a chain reaction, and maybe getting a little love, for myself.

Two; I'm in the middle of moving out of my apartment.

Three;  I honestly wish people were more honest/straight forward, and told me how they feel/what they think of me. I like blunt people. 

Four; No matter how lame it sounds, any time I get in any sort of trouble, or even just yelled at by a teacher/parent/adult I tear up and/or start to cry. I just hate getting in trouble, THAT much.

Five; I bake, I cook, but I honestly suck at making sandwiches. Sorry boys(;

Six; I over use the :3 (cat) face. Not really. I just had Deja Vu... and that's what was in my Deja Vu, so I typed it. Man, I have a lot of those...

Seven; The one ting I want is for some guy to come up to me and tell me I'm beautiful, and for me to be able to believe it, because he's not just trying to be nice, he's not joking.. he just means it.. So yeah.

Eight; I'm overly flirtatious. It's kind of insane, actually. I don't even realize I'm doing it, most of the time. It gets me into trouble...(;

Nine; I have no censor. I'm proud of/happy with what I've got, and I'll talk about whatever I want, no matter how "socially awkward" (:

Ten; I have a twitter @MarjeanTomer (Hey guys, who don't know me in real life... please don't like super cyber stalk me... But go ahead and follow!) Follow me! (:

Eleven; I have broken the law, and I learned my lesson. Don't vandalize things, kids.

Twelve; I enjoy watching classic Disney movies. Those, and romantic comedies are my favorites. <3

Thirteen; I always paint my thumb nails last.

Fourteen; I love hugs around the waist.

Fifteen; I'm currently on my couch, using the laptop I'm "not supposed to touch", drinking tea, on Facebook, and watching Nanny McFee. (;

And that's it, so far. More people are bound to like it, though. I'll keep this updated, as more people like the status. Hope you enjoyed the new insight, and maybe if I'm lucky, you'll stick around and read some more of my posts!(; 

Feels good to have that off my chest...

xoxo,

Marjean.♥

I'm deeply, madly, in love with a man I can't have.

To whom I am madly in love with,
I want to get this off my chest, so badly. But I know it's not right to get between you two. You're the perfect couple. At least in my eyes. You're both funny, smart, talented, caring, compassionate, understanding, and all around great people. But I can't stand to look at you. You're my kryptonite. Every time I look at you, my knees go weak. When I see you together, I get jealous, but I know that you're happy, so I could never tear you two apart.  On top of that, I know I have the smallest chance in the world of you noticing me for who I am, and loving me as much as I love you. (And yeah, guys, I really do mean love. I've liked this guy for two years, and cannot ever get him out of my mind.. Love) I've liked you, honestly, since the FIRST day of seventh grade. No matter how many times I've said I've "gotten over" you, "hated" you, or just plain "didn't like anyone", I still was head over heels, for you. And yes, there are times, where I look at you and want to scream "I LOVE YOU SO MUCH, WHY DON'T YOU SEE THAT?!" in your face.. but I contain myself. You're a great guy.. And one day, I hope you read this, and know exactly who you are, because I bet a million dollars, at least 4 people will read this and know EXACTLY who you are. And all the others will probably want to know who. But I'm not telling, until you figure it out.


Well... Yeah. I love you,          .
xoxoxo,
Marjean.♥

Well, that was a bust.

All I wanted was for a boy to tell me I looked pretty, and to want to dance.


Too much to ask for?



More to come, when I've got more to say.
xoxo,
Marjean.♥

Homecoming!

Homecoming week, was this past week.

The game was tonight (We kicked butt, by the way!)
And the dance is tomorrow.

Honestly? I'm excited. But not for the reason you think..

Yeah, I'm excited to dress up, get told how pretty I am, and maybe even get hit on, once or twice. 

But what I'm really excited for? The night to be over.

Homecoming's been fun, and all, but everyone's been rubbing it in my face about their date, and where they're going to eat, before, and the pictures, blah, blah, blah. I'm going with friends. We're getting a pizza, and taking pictures on the stairs, in my friends house, unless it's nice outside. And though it sounds like I'm complaining about what I'm getting, I'm not. I'm just so done with people trying to out-do me, and making me feel bad. Not to mention I feel like I'm always the "awkward" one of my group of friends. The wingwoman, and the the one everyone forgets about (believe it or not, I shut down, when I get upset or nervous..) 

I'm just ready to the focus to move from who has the prettiest dress, cutest date, and best plans, to something less competitive. Something like puppies and rainbows. 

But that's just my jealousy and bitterness speaking. 

See y'all tomorrow,

xoxo,

Marjean.♥

Face it...

Face it, guys, you're just like girls.

Your "beef" is our "drama"
You obsess over women's chests and butts, whereas girls like abs and biceps.
You play favorites.
You flirt way to much, and never seem to mean a word of it.
You like to be told how attractive you are.
And even you have mood swings.

All living organisms are created to do two things; reproduce and survive.
Humans like to make it "fun" along the way. If this is your idea of fun, I'd rather be bored, for the rest of my life. Gah.

Think about it. Not just guys, everyone. It's human nature. Everyone does it. Sometimes you'll just have to grow up and get over yourself, before trying to get over someone or something else. Maybe as humans, in a corrupt society, we've set our standards too high. Maybe "too much" is just right, and all these taboo things are NATURAL, and completely HUMAN. We are human, but we're still animals. Stop trying to be better than we all know we are. Just be you.


Ugh.
xoxo,
Marjaan.♥

My silence marks me like a scarlet letter...

Today, like I said in "Pushy...?" I vowed to be quiet, unless a person chose to speak to me. I kinda  messed up, a few times, but overall, I achieved my goal. I marked my hand with red tallies, showing my crime (or in this case, mission) plainly like the wearing of the scarlet letter.

On average, I think I talk to at least like 50 people.

Today? 28.

Usually I talk to quite a few sophomores and juniors.

Today? 3 sophomores, 1 junior.

I guess this makes a statement, though my data could be off, due to other's attitudes, I think it'd probably be pretty consistent, if I continued on like this. Maybe I should. Yes, the strength to talk to people, approach them is a very strong, and powerful trait, but I feel like it's time for others to "grow a pair" per say, and talk to ME first. I think I've shown the world I care, just by talking to people the way I do, and to all the people I talk to/try to help. I think it's time to take a little break, and see who really cares.

And another thing, I'm not going to be so forceful with guys. I got 1 hug today. Seriously. I try to hard... today was a bit of a wake-up call.

Not to mention the fact that my smile and loud nature are for sure my band-aid. I'm loud, because if I'm quiet, I think, and I feel like crying. I smile, because it keeps the tears from falling. I hold it all in, with a smile and laugh, and not having that for a day is torture, in itself.

Well, I guess I'm off....

With a new mindset, and a little sadness,
xoxo,
Marjean.♥

Just a little question...

I just wanted to ask you guys a question. You don't need to answer... Just relate...


Ever liked someone A LOT and not been able to do anything about it?!

Story of my life.

I fall for all the wrong people... Been there?

Disappointed!
xoxo,
Marjean.♥

Pushy..?

So, I guess I just realized how much I've felt the need to be wanted. And what I've been doing about it.

Most people... would just, whine, and be annoying.

Me? I force people to talk to me, hug me, text me, do projects with me, etc. 

Why? Because I feel the need to be wanted, loved, liked... All of that stuff...

So, tomorrow, I'm going to count how many people actually START conversations with me. I'm not starting any. I'll update you tomorrow, then? 

With love (and silence),

xoxo,
Marjean.♥

Hope...

So, my life's kinda really hard, right now. I'm not going to go into detail.. I don't even want to try. But it just is.

My family's between a rock and a hard place, I'm stuck in a mind cloud, and I guess I'm just a little.. lost.

So, I turned to a friend. One that, through good times and bad, has been there. Though we've fought, we seem to just re-connect. I think it's because, we both had hard lives, growing up, but in so many different ways. And we've made such different things of ourselves, but still know what it's like, to be that lost, helpless girl, crying for help, and turning to the person who gets it. SHE get's it. And through the fights and tears, we seem to still realize that, which amazes me. And she's FINALLY got her head on straight, I think. Fantastic. ♥

ANYWHO. Today, this friend of mine... brought me to tears. She told me that she was wrong, essentially, and thanked me for never giving up. And she told me how her (and her father) think I'd keep her in line. The sister she needs, not the ones she has. She offered a warm bed, and a soft pillow, to me. Knowing, that that might be my reality, some day... I broke down, a little. Sometimes, you treat the things you love the most, like crap, just to see how long they'll last. Kind of like crash testing. Making sure you're worth my time. Well, Miriah, I think we've done enough crash tests. I think we're finally ready to cut the crap, and be friends. No more fights, and maybe even full custody?(;

And now, I want to thank YOU. For never giving up on ME. For always knowing, caring, and trying to help. For being that sister, I've never had. The one I'll fight with, but still love the next day. For your open arms, and tiny, bony, yet COMPLETELY comfortable shoulders to cry on. I love you.


And to anyone else in my life. I cherish the little things. Thank you, all. For just.. being in my life. Existing. You make my life POSSIBLE to live. I really mean it.

You ALL give me hope...
xoxo,
Marjean.♥

Uh... Wait, what?

So, as I sat, in my pajamas, watching morning television, sucking on cough drops and feeling like poo... I picked up my laptop and logged on. First, to my Facebook, my email, and then onto MyYearbook.
Now, we all know how Facebook works, but what about MyYearbook? Well, it's basically a social networking site that highlights on flirting. Now... this got me questioning...
Why is flirting so accepted on MyYearbook but not on Facebook? Or even in person?
I mean, how do you think people did things, just ten years ago? Or when our parents or grandparents met?
I just don't get it... There are so many people that I know are on MyYearbook, and so flirtatious, but on Facebook, it's awkward to flirt.

Society's so messed up. We have to have sites to make flirting happen, because we're so addicted to computers and social networking, that we're afraid to do any of that in person.

But, I'm kind of being hypocritical, because I'm doing it too. I guess I've given in to the computer and technology addiction, as well. It's easier. But so is sitting on your butt eating Jenny Craig, instead of exercising. It's all up to the individual, I guess.

Ohh technology, what have you done to us?
xoxo,
Marjean.♥

On my side...

"The Lord is on my side; I will not fear. What can man do to me? The Lord is on my side as my helper; I shall look in triumph on those who hate me. It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in man. It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in princes." - Psalm 118:6-9


I don't have much to say, right now. Life's hard, and I guess I was just... I wanted to say something. Maybe your life's hard too, right now, or always, I don't know. I guess what I'm trying to say, is that as long as you have God on your side, everything will be okay, because He places the heaviest of burden on those he knows can handle it. Sometimes, life gets out of hand, and all you want to do is escape the tragic masterpiece you call your life... But that's not going to do anything. Life gets better... 


Just keep swimming, right?
xoxo,
Marjean.♥

A long, long time ago.. I can still remember...

Today, I looked back at my yearbook, from 2006-2007 (fourth grade). I looked at my class, and realized how many I still talk to. Out of 51 kids (in two classes), I still talk to only about 8 of them. Sad to think I used to have most of their numbers, would hang out with them on the weekends, and went to their birthday parties. Now I just watch most of them play on sports teams, make bad decisions and avoid me as much as possible.

After I had a good laugh at the kids MY age, I decided to look at the now sophomores and juniors. Is it bad that I can look through those two classes and label most of the either "stoner" or "slut"? I mean, I'm not one to label, usually, but so many of those kids have started to do drugs or sleep around, or even both.
Anywho...
I looked back at them, and realized how many of them were my close friends, too...How many of them I say in the halls, now, on a daily basis. How many of the guys I had crushes on, back then, and I still say they're cute, now and then!

I guess my point is, this kinda got me thinking; and thinking's got me down. I miss the innocence. I miss the friendships, and crazy games we'd play at recess. I miss when you had a :"boyfriend," kissing him in the big tire, and then wiping your face, afterwards because boys had cooties. I miss the times where there were no cliques, or groups where you either fit in, or got out. I miss "the good ol' days." And I wish all those people that I was friends with, and all the guys I had crushes on... I wish they'd remember and miss me too... And maybe, if I was lucky, we'd hang out sometime... And we'd all be friends, again.

But those chances are slim, and getting slimmer, as the years pass, and memories fade. Crazy how much you change and grow with society, as you grow up. I just wish... you'd remember....


Memories fade, but love never dies...
xoxo,
Marjean.♥

Talk of the town

So, I've found that my blog posts seem to get around. Through me saying things, through others saying things; it's just the talk of the town.

I'm hoping this one ends up like that.

This is my third week of high school.

I guess I've already made a couple of life changing decisions.

And I'm just going to apologize. I've made mistakes, and I will continue to make more. Though hopefully never the same ones, I've made in the past. I'd rather not call it my history, because I don't want it to repeat itself. I've lost friends, gained friends, and messed so many things up. I just want to find that groove, where everything works. YOU (know who you are, or maybe someone will tell you again) know me better than anyone. I did you wrong. But I guess I have to learn from that. I hope I can still be included in your life.

And to those who read my blog, and know exactly what's going on, or even who have no clue. Yeah, you can talk to me about my blog, and you can talk to others, but don't play telephone with my blog. You don't know what I'm thinking.

Finally, a little inspiration...

Okay. I'm just a little heated.

... Well, maybe a lot.

I'm so fed up, with teenagers, these days. I'm ashamed to be "one of them" even if I'm nothing like "them."

I'm so tired of hearing abut hook-ups, break-ups, booty calls, getting high/drunk and/or all the petty DRAMA that there is. I'm so tired of watching the people who I used to call my friends go and get high or wasted, or hook up with a random "hot" upperclassmen. I'm so tired of watching what innocence we used to have go out the window, not even in trade for maturity. Just to get rid of it.

I guess I should fill you guys in.

Being in high school has presented quite a few obstacles.

The first being drama. I don't know if it's PMS, or a new environment, or even just the pure need for attention. But there is so much drama. And I'm not the type of girl to BE in the drama. But man, I've seen so much, recently.

Second, is the HIGH use of drugs and alcohol. This first presented itself to me at the football game. I don't think I've seen such a large concentration of drunk/stoned people in my life. All illegally. And I don't understand how that makes a SPORTING EVENT more fun. Or anything, for that matter. Yeah, you feel happy, or warm or however YOU react to drugs/alcohol, but that's what optimism's for. High on life. Drunk on love. Like, grow up, please. At least save the general public the indecency of dealing with your crap when you're wasted.

And third, but for sure, not finally, hookups/breakups/booty calls. Oh man. I don't know if I've ever been so proud to be a virgin. I've talked to so many of my "friends" about sex. How they've gotten with "hot" guys or they got together with their now boyfriends because they hooked up with someone and found out they really liked them. I can't even begin to express my sadness and disappointment in society. And not to preach, or anything, but sex isn't called "making love" for nothing. Personal (and religious) view on sex is that if someone REALLY cares about you, sex won't matter; even if you want to wait until marriage, they wont mind because they truly love you. And if they don't, they're not worth your time, are they? I mean, yeah, I get, like drugs, you might find it fun. But what is there to talk about when all you care about it getting in someone's pants? I don't understand it.

I'm sorry for such a long rant. I'm just so fed up with people BRAGGING about how far they've gone, or what they've done. I don't understand why doing illegal or socially immoral things is now good. And how it creates popularity and all that crap. People these days...

Society truly does suck...
xoxo,
Marjean.♥

Feelings

So, I'm feeling kind of inspiration-drained. I have so much to write about, but NO drive to write you guys a lengthy, detailed, thought-provoking post. So instead I'm just gonna tell it like it is.

I think I'm getting sick. I NEVER GET SICK.
I have a new boyfriend, and I'm really happy with him... (:
School is tiring. But I'm keeping up for sure.
Band is amazing. I love my band teacher, and all the dirty things he "accidentally" says(;
And I'm kinda loving high school.


Well, until I find some inspiration...
xoxo,
Marjean.♥

Stadium Jam "hangover"

Okay, first of all, let me just point out, I AM NOT HUNGOVER. I used the word hangover because it's simply the over-stimulation (usually with alcohol) of the body, and then the vitamin-B deficiency and dehydration you feel in the morning. Basically too much of one thing makes you feel like poo; that's how I feel.

I had mixed feelings about the night. I mean, I guess we're "Weedway" and "Ghettodale" but that doesn't mean we have to be completely WASTED at school sanctioned events. I cannot tell you how unruly some people were. I don't get how they didn't get kicked out. Obviously, I don't deal well with wasted people. At. All. That'd be reason to hate it, number one.
Number two, we lost. Big time. And there is a HUGE rivalry between our two schools. Yeah, not a safe place, really. Wasted people plus a bad game... I'm glad I stopped watching half way through...
And finally number three, I get so easily upset, sometimes. Wasted people+loosing the game+"a personal problem"= upset Marjean. Get the picture?

So now the good.
One, I was completely surrounded by people who love me. I had my midget, my Wankaroo, my Little Panda Bear, my Sophomores and my man-friend-thing-a-majigg. Even when I was upset, there was always someone there to make everything better. And they were all sober. So I was good. (:
Two, just...my man-friend-thing-a-majigg. 'Nuff said. (:


So all in all, it was a pretty good night. I love my friends, they're amazing. They keep me sane even when everyone else isn't. And they remind me DAILY that I don't need drugs to be happy or have fun. Thank you. (:

Stadium Jam/Jam the Stands

So, tonight's my school's "Big game" against the rival team in the district. From what I've heard, it's pretty epic. And as of today, my life's starting to look up, so maybe it will be(: Let's go Warriors!! (:

In other news, as the second week of school draws to a close, we get stuck in a lock down. Woo hoo. This feels like one of those "You know you're from the ghetto when..." jokes. I mean, seriously. Not even two weeks into school... C'mon.

I guess that was what you could call our "Pep Rally" for tonight's big game; getting stuck in 5th period with one of the chillest teachers, ever. (:

So that's all for now. I'll proably rush home and blog about how the night went, how the game ended, etc. See you later!

Wish me luck, go Warriors,
xoxo,
Marjean.♥

High School. Expectations vs. Reality

So I guess, first of all, I should give you all the low-down. I started high school on Wednesday of last week. So a week ago. And it's already had its ups and downs. Expectations have been surpassed, in some cases, and shattered in others.
Today, I looked at some people's Facebooks. Some of the most beautiful, sweet, amazing, popular girls I know. Of course, they're wearing guys football jerseys to support them at the game. And I remember last year. Doing the same thing... Looking at Freshman's pictures saying "I wish that was me! Next year, I'll have guys wanting me to wear their jerseys!!!" And now look at me. Doing the same thing as last year. Shattered expectation.

And then the teachers. Last year I thought I got lucky, really nice teachers, really lax rules (UNTIL THE SECOND SEMESTER D:), and a lot of friends in my classes. And I looked up at the Freshmen and saw how much FUN they were having. Phones out during school, food and drinks in classrooms, even MORE lax rules, more games to go to... I was soooooo excited for school. Well, expectation surpassed.

Music program; surpassed.
Maturity; shattered.
Less drama; expectation MET.

Everything's so different in high school.... So let the good times roll, and let's get this party started. (:

Love, your now high school freshman,
xoxo,
Marjean.♥

Before School Beauty Jitters...

So, for a while, I've known I'm a jealous person, and at times, quite self centered. I dig for complements, on occasion, I get jealous easily over guys, and I for sure put myself down. So when a friend says "This guy says he loves me" or tells me about how they hate being called pretty, or getting hit on. Or complain abut how their friendships with guys died after a relationship ended.... I sit there and kind of die inside. And usually, I have something to say after everything, because I totally understand. Not in these aspects. I'm pretty single, I don't get called pretty a lot, I don't get hit on anywhere but online, I don't have good guy friends because they just.. don't talk to me. And so I try and be respectful "I don't understand... so I'm sorry" and they get upset.
Shut up.
I'm sorry.
*Self pity*
I'm so caught up in these things. I frequently ask myself dumb questions;
Why are my friends so pretty?
Why, if they call me pretty, and think I'm "prettier than them", are they getting hit on and I'm not?
What makes them so much better than me?
What's so bad about me that keeps people away, as friends and as lovers?

And you see, these are quite unhealthy (but completely normal) questions teenage girls ask themselves. The answer? There isn't one. Society's to blame, mostly. To make complements so essential, and making someone feel bad for not being "perfect"

And recently, I've kind lost hold of my jealousy and self-esteem. I think it's because I'm about to go back to school. At a new school. Full of attractive guys, and I care too much about what others think of me... "Why am I not her?" crosses my mind a lot... and then I laugh. "Because being me is worth all the tears."

I guess what I'm trying to say, is that, though I may thing all of that is SO important, it really isn't. Because there'll be plenty of guys what want me for me. That wont need me to be other girls. Just. Me. And I guess that's for sure, worth the wait. No matter how long it may be.

Just keep swimming,
xoxo,
Marjean.♥

What have romantic comedies done to me, now?!

So, recently, I've been getting a lot of grief about the way I've been acting. I guess I talk about boys, a lot. And I guess my taste in boys is quite bad, also. Or so my friends seem to think. You see, I have a tendancy to like boys that fit one or more of these criteria:
1. Complete jerks
2. Pervs
3. TAKEN
4. Completely unattractive
5. Immoral

Now, you see... this upsets my friends. Because, when I fall for a guy, I fall HARD. So, no matter how much my friends tell me he fits one (or more) of the above criteria, I don't listen. And then I end up waiting like a creepy stalker chick, for him to be my Prince Charming (Which we ALL know isn't likely). Now, you see, my friends finally, and all together (without realizing) told me that the guys I fall for are... well... see above. Now, this shouldn't bug me, should it? Well, it does. For a multitude of reasons. But I've come to the conclusion that there is only ONE reason that matters.

They're right. I've been trying so hard to find a guy that was going to be my Prince (This is what too many romantic comedies do to a person.... Please, don't try this at home) that I forgot about all the things that mattered to me. All the high standards (Well, maybe TOO high) I've set for myself and for what I want out of things. I've forgotten that who takes me to dances in high school, and who I spend maybe a month of my life with. It's not even about finding the "right" guy. MY life should be about school, drill, family, friends, and most of all God. Boys shouldn't be my main train of thought. I'm 14 for goodness sake! The only thing boys are good for at this age is sports and getting dumb girls pregnant. I mean, yes there are those exceptional guys. "I'm the exception! Not the rule." To He's Just Not That Into You. There's always going to be one or two guys that are "different". But they shouldn't have to TELL you that. And if something's right, it'll find YOU, right? So, I don't need to keep thinking and SEARCHING for something I don't NEED right now in my life. I've been blessed with what I already have... I think I can quit complaining now... (:



Oh, and on a side note; the post I made about orientation... well, to be quite frank, SUCKED.So here's the rundown. We "played" some icebreaker games, signed a gown, got a tee shirt, watched an anti-bullying video, and got our STILL tentative schedules. But ahh, the highlight of the day? A tiny itty bitty little Jesus moment, right when I needed it. You see, I was in the middle of freaking out, about high school, a guy (whom I don't really like because he treated me like dirt), and not having anyone to talk to in the moment. And then; BAM. A Jesus moment. This guy I know mutters "Everybody gets one" to his friend, and I freak. Everybody gets one, except Jesus, he gets three. It kind of made everything okay, in the moment. And to this I say: BOOM SHAKA LAKA!!!


All is well, again,
xoxo,
Marjean.♥

Orientation

So. Today was freshman orientation. And it's supposed to orient you to the school, the vibe, etc... Well, yeah no. I'm nervous more so than ever, and I didn't learn anything. Well, except, of course, that bullying is bad. But that's about it. I walked around the school like an idiot, trying to find where my classes were, signed the gown that goes on the wall to represent the class of 2015, got fitted for my marching band uniform (OHMYGOSH, it's horrendous... D:) and checked out all the cute guys.
And...Well... uh. I'm just down right intimidated. The hallways  get pretty full, man. And quite confusing. There's people from my past that I'll see for the first time in years; who knows what they'll think. The stakes are higher. School is harder.
Only four more years. Then you're off to the rest of your life. The. Rest. Of. Our. Lives. Woah. Four years back I was starting fifth grade... Woah! That wasn't even that long ago. Think of how much faster now it's going to be, now that we're busy and older. Time's going to fly past. I don't know if I'm ready for that. For the people I'll encounter, both good and bad. The teachers. All six (or seven) I have, x4 years... All the crazy fun dances, assemblies, games. I don't know if I can handle that, yet...

Oh well..
xoxo,
Marjean.♥

My Sunday/Monday thoughts...

So, yesterday was Sunday. The most amazing day. Why? Because it's another day I get to be with my best friend, "Movie Night" with said friend, YOUTH GROUP, and just an all around GREAT day to end the weekend with. This Sunday was particularly amazing. We went to the beach at sunset, had a crazy dinner conversation, dyed our hair (Mine's purple underneath now, instead of pink, and her's is turquoise, instead of greenish/blondish), watched movies, and went on a "run." I think that was an amazing Sunday and Monday (morning).

Ahh, but alas! Now, I'm supposed to be working on my 9th grade honors English project (Read To Kill A Mockingbird and create a storyboard). Yeah... Not as easy as you'd think... I even chose to clean up my closet and room instead of typing up the writing part. And that's saying something, because I hate to clean my room. :O

And tomorrow, is my first REAL taste of high school. Orientation. I've got my "tentive" schedule, and tomorrow I get to be oriented to the school... Oh man. I'm nervous already. Kind of irrationally, because I know I won't die, I know I'll know people, and I'll be FINE! But that doesn't stop my stomach from knotting up. Wish me luck! I'll do great (I hope)! I'll update you (A.K.A. tell you how orientation went) tomorrow!

OH! And I finally woke up at a decent hour! 8 compared to noon! But then again, I went to bed at 1 instead of 3 or 4. STILL! Getting on track for 5:30 every morning... Ohhh geezzzzz.

Watch out, high school! Here I come!!
xoxo,
Marjean.♥

Because life's too short!

Yesterday,I said the most profound and thoughtful thing... "SMILE! Because life's too short for a  long face."

It just came to me, giving me a reason to never be sad again... Because pain is only temporary. Life's too short to wallow around and cry about every little thing. I mean, being able to express your emotions is very important, but why be sad when there's always something to smile about. Maybe it's something extravagant, like the guy you've like for over a year asks you out, or you make the sports team you've been working towards for the longest time... or maybe it's something simple, like finding a quarter on the ground, or thinking about how fortunate you are to have food every night. But think abut it; if it only takes one small thing to make you sad and cry, why does it take so much for you to be happy? It shouldn't be that way! Smile because you're alive, and you made it through another day on this crazy planet. Be happy because you have food, clothes, a house (apartment, town house, etc.), a computer, a phone. Because so many people don't have those luxuries. 

But promise me one thing.. . . 

Smile because you CAN not because you HAVE TO!!!

Always smiling... well almost always. (;

xoxo,
Marjean.♥

Adventure...

So, today, I decided to take another leap of faith. Allowing my friend creative license with my hair. Before, it was about arm-pit level, my bangs were sweepy and annoying, to give you a mental image. Now, it's at my jawline, I have blunt bangs, and it's dyed pink underneath. More of a magenta, actually. I kind of love it, but my brother says I look like his girlfriend's sister. Complement? I sure hope so.

And this led me to realize, I'm in that teenage time all parents hate. I'm being adventurous. This is about the time teens pierce every part of their body, experiment with drugs and alcohol, and break laws. Now, mid you, I'm not about to go drinking and smoking and such. Or any of those, for that matter. But this is also the time I'll loose friends to that, and make new ones. This is the time where everything can change. And all I can hope is that nothing will. Here's to a great next year. High school, here I come.

Always adventurous,
xoxo,
Marjean. ♥

Nerves...

So, I get my first high school schedule. Tentative, of course, I won't get my solid schedule until the first day. But it got me thinking. Oh my goodness. What if I don't know anyone in my classes? What if I get completely lost? What if it's like seventh grade all over?

But that got me thinking... Not many people I know in any of my classes? Fresh start. Getting lost? I've got ten minutes, I'll figure it out. Seventh grade? Well, that turned out, alright, didn't it? :P

And for every negative, there will always be a positive. So don't worry, right? Wrong. I'm a Nervous Nelly, Worry Wart, and every other nickname of that nature.. I'm always going to worry... Even if it's no big deal. I over analyze, over think, and over do everything.  (okay, this right here is becoming pointless)

No now, I wait.. and in the mean time, I'm getting my hair cut, Wednesday. Schedule Friday. Church Sunday. Orientation Tuesday. Church the next Sunday. School on the seventh...Oh my.. So worried.

Hoping for the best...
xoxo,
Marjean.♥

Deep in thought? Lost in emotion?

So, I said I'd keep you updated. So here I am, updating you...

Not much to say. Didn't really think much... I don't have much to think about.. I feel dull, thoughtless, emotionless. It's a confusing state, to be in. Everything feels like I'm underwater; sound, feeling, weight... all a little different. Today's a little... different. Maybe by tonight I'll be able to feel, more... I'm just as lost as you are... I don't get it, either. ahah.

Until next time.

xoxo,
Marjean.♥

Deep in though?

Today there was a pool party for my youth group. I've got to say... that was the most fun I've had in a while. Being with them, and surrounded by love for me and God, is kind of epic, and sort of overwhelming...

Now, I'm sitting here, trying to reflect on how I feel about tonight, boys, God, friends, family... As always, my small, direct train of thought has ventured off... I'll keep you updated (A.K.A. let you know if I come to any revaluations) on what's going on in my head... Meanwhile, please hold *annoying hold music*

Thanks for reading!

xoxo,
Marjean.♥

My extremely long, but totally worth it rant...

Today I was thinking about social class and the "what if...'s" of it.

What if...
I had a cabin?
A boat?
Got my own car when I turned 16?
Got allowance?
Had a Mac and iPhone?
Never had to worry about where money was going to come from?
Had more than enough wiggle room, month to month?
I could go to the mall and not think, "If only I had money..."
I went on family vacations all over the U.S.?

Well, the answer to all of those questions is simple.

I wouldn't be ME. I wouldn't have had to deal with all the hard things I have. I wouldn't have known what it feels like to work for my money I get. I wouldn't have had the imagination to play rodeo with a jump rope or Starbucks with my shampoo and conditioner. I wouldn't have known how it felt to be grateful for the food on my plate, clothes on my back, roof over my head and family surrounding me. I wouldn't have made the friends I did, I wouldn't have created such great bonds over what I did. I wouldn't be so caring, because I learned from my pain, everyone needs that. I wouldn't have found God. I wouldn't have done anything I have today... I just, wouldn't be me.

I know, that sounds really shallow, attributing all of my personality, actions, etc. to my social standings... but think about it; what if you had a million dollars? Most people would say "give it to charity" but would you really? There are so many things people want in life, mostly materialistic items that'll just be obsolete in a matter of years. So why do we need them? To show off our social status. It all seems to come back to that. No one wants to be poor. But the fact of the matter is that a LOT of families are. 1/8 people rely on food banks. That means 7/8 people have money for food, or don't seek help from food banks, when they should. Society's kind of sickening, and I'm not saying I'm not a part of society, but I wish I wasn't. There is so much in this world that  should be done, NEEDS to be done... And there are so many FORTUNATE people, in this world. if everyone who had "extra money" gave up a penny a day, you know how much money we could raise? But, of course, if you ask anyone if they have "extra money" and they'll tell you no. Why can't we all just suck it up and help out a little?
Just saying.

xoxo,
Marjean.♥

Dear Boy...

Dear Boy,
    You just came into my life trying to catch my attention, huh? Well, you've got it. It's crazy how small of a world this is, finding you, here, in a place where I have found myself. I have discovered your sweet, sensitive, compassionate, Godly soul. I have found common interests, unusual bonds, and just pure infatuation within you.  I feel connected by God with you, and I feel like you are part of God's plan for me. I find you popping up in conversations, pictures of friends, everywhere. And every time I see your face, I get a mini heart attack and start giggling like a moron. Your passion for God, family and life inspires me. I wish I could be as great as you. I don't quite understand you, or why God made you such a huge part of my life, right now, but I'm thankful. And I know, I don't have much of a chance with you, but man, I'm standing right in front of you...

xoxo,
Girl.♥

Church life

Today, I went to youth group, which is one of THE most life changing experiences I've encountered. Ever. I love my church, my people, my pastors, worship, praise, the Lord... It's all just amazing. And tonight, I felt that God wanted me to mend the broken friendships of my past, to encounter new people, and bring them to His Kingdom. And there are so many people around me, inspiring me to do so. So many in God's plan, willing me forward on my journey. And they might not know it, but they are the reason I am so happy right now. God is great, His people are great, and I'm just so happy with what He has given me. Sorry, if this turned out to offend any of my readers, and please don't let this post STOP you from reading. Because I'm more than just a "Jesus Freak" I am a human. Give me a shot... (:

Much love,
xoxo,
Marjean.♥

Love...?

So... there's this guy, whom I've been hopelessly, and incredibly infatuated with since the beginning of seventh grade (literally the FIRST DAY of school). It's been two years, and I'm still crazy over him. I don't even know why. Yes, feelings faded over the summers, but as soon as I thought about him, saw him, dreamed about him... my feelings flooded back. I guess I could say "I don't know what it is, about him!" but in reality, I do. He's my "perfect guy" in almost every way. I'd list the ways, but I don't really need him to figure it out. The worst part is, he's showed interest in almost every one of my friends, and never even batted an eye towards me. I know I should just get over him, believe me, I know.. I've been told enough by my friends.. whom can't even really stand him. But the thing is, even if people give me a MILLION reasons to hate him, even if HE gives me a million reasons to hate him, I still seem to find that single reason to stay. I guess even more, I should try because  he's dating a friend of mine. For a while now. But yet, still... I'm stuck. Maybe it's part of being a teen.. Maybe I'm crazy.. But man, I'm hooked, on this boy.
Blarg.
That is all.

xoxo,
Marjean.♥

Homemade

Today, I found a "recipe" for shampoo and conditioner. It's actually really simple, too. (I'll put the recipe down at the bottom of the post.) So, I tried it out. So far, it's amazing. my hair doesn't feel as heavy, or look as dark. It dried a MILLION times faster (and I have thick hair, so this is amazing!). I can't say I could have been more pleased! Being a teenage girl, hair, skin, clothes, popularity, are all important. And I've found homemade things (including skincare products, hair care products, cookies [always make you popular], etc) are always.. and I mean ALWAYS better. I absolutely love making things at home!(:

As promised here are the "recipes" !!!
Shampoo:

• 1 tablespoon of baking soda
• One cup of water

You take these, put them in an old shampoo bottle and shake!

Conditioner:

• 1 tablespoon vinegar (of any kind. I prefer cider because it's got a less obnoxious smell.)
• One cup of water

You take these, put them in an old conditioner bottle, shake, and there you go!

If you want any more ideas for homemade beauty treatments/supplies, GOOGLE IT! (<---answer to everything.)

Until next time!

xoxo,
Marjean.♥

Just thoughts...

Today, I spent a lot of time thinking about life. And, though it is only half way through the day, I have already though more than my daily share. I thought about my inspiration, my passions, my goals, basically, my life. I asked myself "Who inspires you?", "What do you REALLY want to do with your life?", "What is 'love'?", things along those lines. I also thought about God and my faith, which has become a big part of my life recently. And, I feel as if I should blog about this stuff... And so here I am.. Contemplating life...
Who inspires me? First of all, my family, who have put up with me for almost 15 years (and my mom, who has put up with me for longer... haha). They're so strong and devoted to being the best they can be.. It's amazing.
Second, my best friends, whom all walk completely different life paths, but can still come together to watch Disney movies, eat fattening foods and giggle about our newest crushes.. And then spiral off into the deepest conversations ever.
Third, the people I know whom have wanted to end it all, and still found faith in life. That's something so many have failed to do, and have taken their lives... That in itself gives me hope. And inspires me to live life to the fullest.
Fourth, Doug. Yeah, photographer, Coastie, father, husband, man of God, and all around amazing person. Mhmmm, that one. To be so devoted to family, God, your passion and your work... I could only ever HOPE to be as great of person as you. And Corrie, you're quite amazing too. Raising your kids, Graduating with a masters while doing so, Finding a job, being committed to God, caring and compassionate towards others.. Wow. You're just great. And together, you've raised beautiful, amazing kids, so far! (:
Fifth, everyone at my church... You're such amazing people, the youth leaders deliver such POWERFUL messages and you're SO welcoming, towards EVERYONE. You are all just so inspiring. And I love you all.
Not to mention all the adults whom have entered my life, warmed my heart, and been so caring and kind. I love you!!!
What do I want to do with my life? Photographer? Yes? Maybe? It seems a lot harder than I would have thought.. I don't know if I'm cut out for it...
What is love? I'll get back to you on that one..

Still thinking. . .

xoxo,
Marjean.♥

Hackers

Today, one of my friends got hacked on Facebook. And not one of those friendly "Way to leave your Facebook open on my computer, _____. Haha. I love you♥" statuses.. This hacker decided to post various statuses about how fat, ugly, skanky, etc. this girl is... which isn't even REMOTELY true.. Of course, this caused a million and one comments all over the statuses they posted, wall posts saying how much they love the hack-ee. This made me think...
What the HECK is wrong with society?! What in GOD's NAME possessed people to think things like this are OKAY, or even SANE?! I don't understand what people gain from putting others down, especially over Facebook, texting, etc. It makes no sense! It's not like anyone's going to believe someone who hacks into a Facebook anyway. Yes, their friends are going to come to her rescue, and tell the hacker off.. But those are going to be the only people who CARE enough to read it. Because the hack-ee's haters aren't going to read the status, it says it's from HER, anyway. So the audience is the people that love the hack-ee, and if they choose to believe a hacker over a real person, that's their loss. Therefore, the only possible reason is to get a rise out of everyone. Which I could see as a viable reason., but a DUMB one.. Because you can get arrested, taken to court, all that stuff.
My point is, I don't understand what television, music, personal influences, etc. are teaching kids, but this is terrible, and I hope my kids never have to deal with this kind of stuff.
It's official; society sucks.

xoxo,
Marjean.♥

Trolling

I, as a person, have no personal prejudice against anyone person, group of people, etc. I know, that's like, humanly impossible, but unless someone gives me a GOOD reason to dislike someone, I won't.
There's this guy, who seems to enjoy "trolling" on people's Facebook statuses about how "dumb" their thoughts are, how "stupid" the people commenting are and how "good" his beliefs are... This seems to be a common trend among teenage boys. I don't understand why telling people they're stupid, wrong and proving themselves superior makes anything better, especially over a Facebook status, but it seems to. Usually it's on views of politics, LGBTQIA rights, Womens' rights, etc. And it upsets me that people are using THEIR "rights" to "troll" all over Facebook. I feel, personally, that it's a violation of another's rights to be told their OPINION is "wrong" especially by someone who's in it JUST to piss people off. The thing about trollers, is that they make it nearly IMPOSSIBLE to ignore them. They start by making a completely slanderous remark towards your beliefs, and human nature makes you want to defend your ideals and yourself. Thus creating an argument over a Facebook status in which you cannot beat the troller, because when you seem to have beaten them, they go back, re-read, and make another slanderous remark, causing further problems and irritation, and of course laughs for the troller. I guess, the point of this blogpost is just to say how IRRITATING it is to have people tell you you'er "wrong", "dumb" and that they're "highly superior" to you. Like, yes, I can understand contradicting someone's beliefs with your own, but fighting over "right" and "wrong" and over who's beliefs are "superior" is the most asinine idea ever. So to all you trollers in the world, think about how others feel, and maybe, even just for a day, cut it out. Because you're starting to piss the world off (or, at least me).

xoxo,
Marjean.♥

High School

I looked at my calendar today. (She says, sounding INSANELY boring)
Today is August 3rd. In just over a month, I will be taking my first steps into high school as a freshman. I've decided to make a list of fears, excitements, revelations, etc. (like a pro/con list)

Pros                     

• Higher levels of intellect
• Higher maturity level (or so I hope...)
• Better classes
• Languages offered
• Older boys *
• New people, new friends, less drama
• New teachers
• Better, HEALTHIER lunch options
• GREAT band director (Oh, I play flute, if you didn't know)
• Indoor hallways! (I've never, in my schooling career [not including kindergarten] have never, EVER had enclosed hallways. SUPER DUPER EXCITED!)
• Less annoying, childish, restraining rules (If you went to my school, you would know.. PDA, dress codes.. EVERYTHING was super strict...)
• People I've known forever (elementary friends.. middle school friends... anyone older than me will be there.. well unless they've graduated)
• Football games
• More sports
• DANCES
• Get out earlier

Cons                    

• The classes are harder
• There are hallways, which I've never had before.. kind of scary
• "What if I don't get classes with my friends?!"
• Homework.. and lots of  it (not like Ms. Tucker didn't give us enough already)
• Different atmosphere
• The school is so repetitive, I'm afraid to get lost. :P 
• No room for slacking
• Have to wake up earlier
• No P.E. for me. (both good and bad.)
• A lot of games we (band) have to perform at
• Lose friends...?
• No Ms. Tucker. (A.K.A. the best teacher in the world. ♥) 

Well, there you have it, everyone.. My pro/con list of high school. Just one more month of waiting, shopping,, tanning, popsicle-eating, relaxing, staying up until dawn; sleeping until dusk. It's almost over. :( 

Enjoy the rest of your summer!!

xoxo, 

Marjean.♥

Footnote:                                                                                          

*Older boys are usually more mature, nicer, and more attractive. Therefore, a PRO for going into high school

Beauty

Last night, I realized, I change my profile pictures when everyone stops commenting. Why? Because when everyone comments on my pictures, I feel like the rest of my friends; beautiful.In the past, I've been very self concord about my looks, among many other things. This is mainly due to society. Because, I have guy friends, but they'd "never look at me that way" but they sit there and tell me how GORGEOUS my best friend is; kind of frustrating on my end. . .
Anywho, back to my first realization. I realized, I rely of society to tell me how beautiful I am by my looks, when what matters is what is in my heart. I think, personally, not to be full of myself, that I am beautiful, inside and out. And I decided, as of last night, to complement everyone. If I can't do it, I might as well delete them from Facebook. The world needs a few more kind people and a million more complements. I'm on a mission. This should be fun.

Fighting society, one wall post at a time.

xoxo,
Marjean.♥

Family

Recently, my grandmother, whom I related to on a deeper level than I knew for a long time, passed away due to Cancer. Tonight, my family gathered to celebrate the way she would have wanted; barbecue style. Everyone seemed so carefree and happy. But I sat in the corner, a little disappointed in the fact that my family just left me there to sulk. They didn't even bat an eye. I guess I should be on the happy train too, seeing as though the rest of my life is pretty good right now. But I'm not. They're all sitting around the tables on the deck as I'm posting this. I don't know why, but during things like this, I tend to shy away, maybe because I want to be payed attention to. I think it's a teen thing. "Notice me" is the one thing going through my head at family gatherings. And I forgot to mention, I happen to be the only girl child, and with only four women (all mothers and/or grandmothers) and nine men (including my younger brother and cousin) I end up being left out. And though, in a public setting, I may seem like the type of person to just go out seeking attention, I'm NOT that kind of person.. So here I am, sitting on the couch, typing this up.. Man this is a lot!
Plus, my older brother and his fiance decided to come. And, boys being boys, my younger brother hogged him, and of course, Lena (his fiance) not being "part of the family" yet, was attached to his hip. So I didn't get any time with him. Which is something I need. I haven't had a TRUE conversation with my older brother for a long time. Probably since the New Years I spent with him (a LONG time ago) I miss my brother. Anthony, if you (or Lena) read this... I miss you. <3

Did I mention, I have a killer headache? and a 12 year old brother, 9 year old cousin, and an older brother who acts like he's 10 DON'T help. :/

Well, that's my rant for today. Thanks for reading!

xoxo,
Marjean. ♥

This funny thing called "drill"

When most people think of drill they think this;


Yeah.. not that.






I'm talking about this;
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BXcxaBK82Qw
THIS is a "drill team." A sport (kind of in between ROTC and cheer) that's pretty select to the Seattle/Washington area, though there's a team in Idaho, too! Drill teams are commanded by voice and wistle and commanded by a captain (the one in the orange in the video). This is just one team, and it happens to be the All-City (A competition where all drill teams in the state come together to compete) and State (once again, a competition where all the teams [or ones sponsored by the Eagles] come together to compete) champions. I am a member of this team (The Highlanders Drill Team) and first lieutenant (second rank, one below captain). We march in parades, competitions and exhibitions around the state, in Canada and, this year, Oregon.  If you have any questions, feel free to ask them in the comments below(:

Anywhoo.. now that y'all know what it is...

Today, my team marched in a parade. This is my first parade in a while, due to the fact Parade Season has just begun. ("Parade Season" is the time of the year where all the parades happen... pretty simple) There's just a certain rush about performing in public.. (: I love my team so much. NICE JOB to everyone in the parade (all the teams and other groups in the parade!) I'm SO excited for the rest of Seafair week!

Thanks for reading another enormous blog post.

xoxo,
Marjean.♥

Boys... Oh man...

I know, I've already blogged today.. and that might be enough for the average person.. but I'm kinda.. really anxious to get this out there... So now, onto a different subject, kinda. Boys.

There's this one... We got really close. He's so sweet and caring and compassionate. He's Christian (like me), musical, and just freaking cute. I could go on and on about him.. but I won't. (: Unfortunately, he moved to Korea for family reasons... I don't know if he realizes it, but I love him to death.. And the fact that the next time I might see him is after we die (which is FOREVER from now) hurts me so much. I wish he'd open up to me and tell me how he feels. I just want to understand him.... 

And boy number two... He's kinda... I don't know. Super sweet, caring, ect.. but there's these things, that just aren't okay for me right now. And I can't just tell him to go, because I care about him so much. He's an amazing person, and so caring towards me and others. I can't just break things off... Dilemma. :/

And boy three... He's just great! We haven't known eachother long, and he doesn't seem to notice me as "pretty" or even flirt with me.. But maybe the fact that he's never had a girlfriend contibutes to that. He's nerdy, and quirky, smart and funny.. He just amazes me. He's not afraid to be himself, and that alone makes me like him. (: But I just wish he'd realize me, because right now, he's the guy of choice, because guy one's in Korea, guy two just isn't working... and Fred's in a different state. I wish he'd notice me too... (: 

And finally, Fred. (: You've all heard about him, right? If not, look at my second post.. You'll figure it out there. (; I can't wait for him to come back to Washington... (: 

So now, you know what's going on with my life. No, I'm not an attention whore, whore in general, slut or skank. Even if it looks like it, I'm not. I just... I don't know. I'm a teen, my life is confusing. Try being me for a day.. You still wouldn't understand. 

But that's my life with boys, right now. I'll keep you updated. :P 

With love,

Marjean. ♥

Just Another Day in the Life of a Socially Awkward Teen...

Wankaroo (Inside joke. Nickname for a friend and fellow blogger.) and I decided to Skype my buddy Fred (from the previous post). We then proceed to laugh at inside jokes, play with silly string, and laugh hysterically at how weird we are. We're the raondomest (that's not a word..) people.. possibly ever. And I think we creeped him out. Woops. I still feel bad, Fred (if you read this, and figure out who you are...)

Today was just another good day in my life.. I seem to be having quite a few of those... (:

Thanks for reading... there's a continuation to come later.. I just didn't want to make a HUGE post, so you could pick and choose what you decide to read.(;

xoxo,
Marjean.♥